It's already OCTOBER!?

HELLO! I am still alive, although I know it has been a while. First, lets catch up:

This summer has been full of changes for me. I made the decision to leave the high school that I was working at and chose to change both schools and towns. I moved north and am now working in a middle school teaching 7th graders. I really enjoy it. It is a really different experience but so far, way more positive than where I was at before. I want to be clear though, I would not trade the last year for anything. When you feel like you are thrown into the water and asked to swim without ever having seen water before. you learn and you survive. That is what I did as a first year teacher in a school that was still trying to figure out who it is. It is a good school full of good people, it just was not made for me. 

All the gloom aside, lets focus on some more positive things; my new room is also beautiful and full of light for most of the day. I love it so much.  Below you can see the curtains that were made for some open shelves in my room (super hero themed because, why not?). I also got some amazing flowers delivered to me on my first day, sunflowers are my favorite flower. The third photo is a collage of the ways that I was able to be more artsy with my room this year. Not as beautiful or polished as I wish it was, but good enough for now. 

I have also had the wonderful opportunity to attend some great trainings already. I have been trained on TRiBES (which, if you don't know what it is, it is very Kagen-esque and a very cool strategy to build culture both within a classroom and a school). I also have been able to be trained on Constructing Meaning which is a really great collaborative learning process. I have learned so much in just the month or so that I have been here, and I am so excited to learn more. I feel like, as a teacher, being able to apply some of the constructing meaning and TRiBES strategies has been really helpful to even apply to my classroom management. 

Now, for the more recent things:

There is a lot going around about the recent shooting in Oregon. As an Oregonian, as a teacher, as a person, I have a lot of feelings about this. However, unlike a lot of other teachers, I am not going to take to a public forum to voice all of my feelings. I can only say that I hope that all of the victims and their families of the shooting are able to find their peace. I will also say that it is a really interesting process to once again have this experience and have the conversation with my students. Unlike many of my colleagues, I believe that when news like this breaks outside of school, it is my job to allow the conversation to take place organically and not manufacture any teaching moments. So, on Friday that is what I allowed to happen (and connected it to what we are reading in my class). I am a teacher because kids have amazing lives and I want to be able to witness that and help to focus it. Friday proved to be no exception as the conversation about the shooting came up. 

Alright, I think that is enough for a blog update that has a readership of under 5. Thank you so much, and I'll post as often as I can. 

When did May happen?

Well...that was fast. My last post was in March. Geez louise. Who would have thought May would sneak up on me? Better yet, it is almost June! Anyone else (if anyone actually still reads this) feeling the end of the year crazy?

Currently, I have a few struggles. One of which is my grading pile. My current grading pile looks like this:

On the left is before a couple of hours work, on the right is after. They. look. the. same. Ugh, grading is still something I struggle with, despite the copious amounts of advice I get on the matter. To be honest, the best advice that I've received about grading is that I need to find what works best for me. This is true; I think it is easy to give new teachers all sorts of advice and tell them things that sound like great teacher hacks, but I also think we newbies need to find our own stride with some things. Our grading mojo is one of those things. Yes, there are rubrics and things in place to make sure equality happens, but keeping up on things, etc. are all rhythms that take practice.

My other struggle is summer. I can hardly believe that it is almost near. I'm excited. My students are excited. All I can think of is all of the stuff that I can get done planning wise and personal wise without grading and prep to deal with. New teacher confession: I forget what real food tastes like (and I'm going to blame my lack of homemade cooking and abysmal housekeeping on being a new teacher, not on the reality of being ridiculously lazy). There are all of these things going around like "Keep Calm Teachers, it's almost summer", but I feel more like this:

I've said it before and I'll say it again, the first year of teaching is nuts. I don't think a single day has gone by where I didn't learn something. Really, that is one of the reasons that I became a teacher too. That isn't to say that some images weren't shattered. No matter how prepared I thought I was, no matter how much I thought I understood what it meant to be in a profession, I was wrong. Oh my, was I stupidly wrong. In fact, I know that I've said to multiple people who have become friends and mentors (minus the "Mrs. Martin" part),

A general statistic keeps going around (I don't know the source) talking about how most new teachers leave the profession before they reach five years (a blog post by Dr. Justin Tarte actually talked about this a little). In the district I am in, the same can be said for the longevity of the teaching staff. What a sad commentary on the profession and on our society. Before actually getting to live the "teacherlife" full time, I always thought this was an intense statistic. On the one hand, it scared me to death. On the other, it drove me to disprove it for myself. That being said, I completely, totally and utterly understand why people would leave. This year I have been actively job hunting since...probably November. At least two months of that has been for jobs outside of the teaching profession. Why? To be a teacher takes guts, grit and strength. Qualities that I am not always sure that I possess. Teachers battle public perception, despondent students and parents who are either friends or enemies among many, many other things. Now, let me be clear, I am not saying that other professions don't have similar battles. I grew up among health care folk, and I know that many (especially in the lower echelons) face similar battles. So, why do we do this to these necessary professions? Where would we, as a society, be without education or healthcare? In order to get healthcare, you need healthcare professionals. In order to be educated, you need teachers. Therefore, should people in these (and any other less recognized fields) be revered instead of ridiculed?

I am aware that I am not the first nor last person to rant on this topic. I guess tonight, as I sit with ten different browsers open trying to plan for the end of the year and stay awake after a frustrating day, I find it easy to get lost in the cynicism. I just think it is food for thought. Since I need to try and stay positive in order to stay sane, I will list a few of the positives from the last couple of months to end this post:

• The sweet student who gave me a small present and gratitude during Teacher Appreciation week (despite the fact that I was incredibly sick at the time with no voice and leaving school to go to urgent care). 
• The teacher/s who let me rant and rave at them after one of the most frustrating meetings ever and then validated my feelings before making me laugh. 
• The boy who said that he had learned a lot in my class.
• The typical trouble maker who actually wrote down one of the notes today. 
• A grade scale that has been...patched.
• Friends who remind me that I am not forgotten, despite being stuck in my teacher-cloud.
• Co-workers who don't let me be a hermit.
• 11 MORE SCHOOL DAYS FOR TEACHERS! 

Alrighty folks, if anyone has actually read this, then I thank you.

An Ode To Teachers

I have got to say, I respect my colleagues. I do. I respect them for their integrity, their knowledge and their experiences. But most of all, I respect them because the majority of them are freaking beasts. Schools are a breeding ground for sickness, as are hospitals and medical clinics. I grew up around the medical field and spent eight years being employed in a medical office. I also worked at a daycare. So, admittedly, I had some hubris going on. I knew that first year teachers were often felled by illnessed, but I was kind of arrogant about it. I figured, at most, I'd get a cold or two.

I was stupidly, horribly, wrong. I've been sick more in this year than I have since I started working. My brain and my body have taken a beating this year. Add to the stress and my body is saying a number of expletivies in the form of overworking white blood cells trying to keep infection back. As I write, I feel like I've been hacking a lung up in front of my students each class period. I can barely breathe. My wonderful students even stepped up by helping me read today since I couldn't quite catch my breath to do so. 

Thus, I am stewing in my misery. Then I look around me. I don't know about everywhere else, but right now there are some nasty sicknesses going around my school. The students and teachers both are being felled by these diseases. So, I look at my colleagues. Many of whom do not look well or who have told me that they do not feel well. Some too are seemingly hacking up lungs. Yet, these people are not only here at work, but  are also smiling. I mean, these people are beasts. They are working in a job that is physically and mentally demanding; not only that, but they are there whether they are sick or not.

Now, I recognize that there are all sorts of opinions on this. Teachers shouldn't work when sick because they spread germs, or they have to be there because pay/ number of sick days/ the trials and tribulations of getting or having a sub. Whatever the case, I have to admire the work ethic. I was raised to have a strong work ethic. However, often I see in my peers and my students a lack of this. There is an inability to push through the ickiness that the world dishes at us and perservere. Therefore, when I see people who are living this principle, I cannot help but admire them and respect them.

Alright, that is all. 

So much has been happening!!!!!

Oh my goodness ladies and gentlemen, so much has been happening! I can hardly believe what craziness my life has become. Also, it is so weird to think deeply about the fact that I am a teacher, an English teacher no less, so words should be fairly easy; yet, I have found that more and more I struggle with basic English. Me thinks that this whole stress thing is beginning to bog me down. Oh well, I am blissfully...wistfully...yep wistfully trying to maintain or at least gain some optimism here.

So, to start off with, I thought I'd put some pictures up.

First, here is an updated version of my classroom. Still a little empty in terms of the walls, but I like this desk arrangement slightly better than my previous one [I had them in groups before, and while that served a purpose, this was better]. It was a nice way to start a new semester and shake things up a bit.

Next is my current pile. Textbook with a list of the standards and my trusty green pen. My students are reading The Odyssey right now and I am really enjoying the enthusiasm some of them feel. It makes up for those that are bored by it and the issues I am having with our grading system. I used to think I was technologically savvy, and then I entered education. I forget that my brain must be able to function both in the English world, and understand some of the math stuff too. I've always been bad at numbers, and that has caused me a ton of frustrations. BUT, the bright side is that I am loving learning new things. 

Now this last one was a student gift from December. A student came up to me, gave me a bag with the lanyard in it (a nice change from a hideous blue one I had). She said "Here.....because you don't have enough Harry Potter stuff". At the time, she was right. I only had one other Harry Potter thing. I love this lanyard so much, and I love being able to put my name tag in one side of it.

I really have learned so much over the last few months. It is hard because things tend to come all at once. I've never been good at handling that. But, I have an excellent support system and amazing students. I forget how much 14/ 15 yr olds change in just a short time. It has been so fun getting to watch my students grow in a multitude of ways. Some of those ways are even academic! :-) 

But, for serious here. This has been a banner year, that is for sure. I have met some really kind people and learned so much. I wish that the triumphs outweighed the failures in my heart; but in some ways, I think that is what makes me who I am. Having the chance to learn about both myself, and about my craft has been a dream. Now, my only hope is to simply follow Dory's advice and 

I hope all of my wonderful readers (all three of you) are doing well. Just keep swimming and maybe we will all make it to June! :-)

The Lonliness of a Teacher

I believe in communities. I believe that we are all part of multiple communities. Even though I live in a town that is somewhat isolated, I am still a part of many communities; I am an alum of a great high school and two wonderful universities, I am a part of an ethnic community, a community of adopted people, I am part of a community of teachers. In being a part of these communities, I am not alone. This is something I understand and try to embrace. I love being a part of the teaching community because I see the wonders of a profession where people embrace learning and who generally want to help one another.

Coming to a new community, I was so afraid that I would be alone, professionally. I had not learned yet of the vast support one can gain from one's peers. I had never had that before, at least not on the same level. So, I formed friendships and connections. I grew to feel nothing but respect for my colleagues who helped me and still continue to help guide and support me. Yet, there are so many lonely parts to being a teacher.

I am also alone. My classroom is at the end of the hallway, enough at the end that people tend to not want to come down to it. Sometimes that is an advantage, but sometimes it can be very isolating. I am an English teacher, so I spend a lot of time sitting and trying to learn the ways of grading papers quickly. I spend a lot of time sitting alone, trying to figure out what I can teach my students that will combine skills with fun.

Teaching can be a really lonely profession, despite the joy of being a part of a community. I wish I could explain this to non-teachers. I wish I could go to people and tell them that while they criticize teachers and say they don't do enough, there are teachers who spend weekends at the school or long hours into the night. I wish I could show those who criticize teachers the pictures of teachers more experienced and better at their craft than I who have centered their lives around this profession. In many ways, teaching is not really a profession, it is a lifestyle.

I recently (in the past month) was told that I did not care about my students. I, who as a first year teacher feel as though I have busted my hump for my students. I, who as a first year teacher, has little confidence in what they are doing. I, who as a first year teacher, have learned so much. It can be lonely, feeling like people are out to get you while you are bending over backwards for them. It can be lonely sitting in your room, trying to make sure students get the feedback and current lessons they deserve.

I am part of many communities; but, that doesn't mean that I am not also alone. Ugh, I know this is a depressing blog entry. Perhaps it is just end of semester exhaustion getting me down. I'll try to post more and be way more up beat, I promise.

Forget me not

I keep finding myself in this weird world where I lie to myself and coerce my brain into believing that I am all caught up. Then, reality hits me in the face. The most recent casualty has been my Creative Writing class. I love them dearly, but I keep forgetting that they exist. Furthermore, I actually have to have them do things.

I say this and it seems like I don't ever do anything academic with them. That is not true. We get to do fun stuff that is also academic and my hope is that they really enjoy my class. Still, it doesn't erase the fact that I keep forgetting them! Most of the time, I find it hilarious. To be fair, I really enjoy this class. Most of the time they are on task or at the very least respectful and receptive to re-direction-ing.

I know I am not alone. I know that lots of teachers get behind. Mostly, I've just enjoyed how even though I've been behind, we have still been able to do some cool things. We have done poetry, short stories, plays, built lego creations for technical building and written letters to past and future selves. It is kind of awesome to see the span of creativity we get to experience. My biggest regret it that I didn't take pictures of the lego creations to show here.

Alright. I'll probably post again for Thanksgiving. Thanks, as always, for reading.

Any faithful readers left?

Alright. I know. It has been a while since I have posted. Something tells me this is going to be a theme. Last week marked week one of Quarter Two, if you can believe it. Now we are in November, which I have heard some call "No School November". This seems fairly accurate; thus, I embark on the wonderful journey that is attempting to engage my students and get them through material before Winter Break. Awesomeness.

First of all, end of quarter sucks. It is so busy and nuts. Then, you have the great and wonderful next quarter. For my students, that meant the "Oh shit, I actually have grades and need to do stuff" realization that has probably faded now that we have had a four day weekend. I love seeing some students have that realization because there is true hope in their eyes that they will change their behavior. Encouraging that hope is one of the best parts of the job.

With a new quarter came conferences. Now, let me just say a couple of things. First, this is not the first time I have done conferences, however it is the first time I have had to do it with my own merits. Also, we spent one day in an arena style set up and one alone in our rooms. For any teachers who are reading this, you know this is truth: conferences are some cruel exercise in marathon running. They are torturous. I loved meeting some of the parents and getting to make connections with faces from emails, etc. That part was awesome. I was also really lucky in that almost 100% of parent interactions were positive. Also awesome. The parents who came to conferences were generally the ones who were truly interested in their kids' education and future. The flip side was that I wanted to be able to give thorough feedback to all of them. Time-wise, that was nearly impossible.

Highlights? The first highlights were the looks on the parents' faces who seemed to understand that I felt like I was running a marathon. Most laughed at my fast talking and were really kind in asking me to slow down. Choking on my own spit in front of one parent, having to run out and ask one parent to wait because "oh my goodness I have to use the restroom but I promise I will be right back!", shaking because I had waaaaayyyy too much coffee and not enough food, or the genuine positive feedback parents gave me with phrases like "________ really likes you" and "English teachers have always butted heads with ___________ but he/she really likes you and your class". That feedback makes me want to keep learning from these kids and improving my skills as a teacher.

Admittedly, there are a lot of aspects about this job and this year that are kicking my butt. I know, every teacher I have spoken says that the first year is tougher than tough. And if you can survive the first three years, then you are awesome. With all of the crazy, it is so great to get the positive feedback. I really enjoy it a lot.

Now, because I am also trying to expand my horizons and learn from my peers, I have been looking at a bunch of teacher blogs and such. Mostly, it helps when you know there are others going though similar things or with similar visions. I found a blog called Love, Teach. Love, Teach is written by a fellow English teacher with an array of stories that I have really enjoyed going through. If I have any readership left, you should check out this blog.