I believe in communities. I believe that we are all part of multiple communities. Even though I live in a town that is somewhat isolated, I am still a part of many communities; I am an alum of a great high school and two wonderful universities, I am a part of an ethnic community, a community of adopted people, I am part of a community of teachers. In being a part of these communities, I am not alone. This is something I understand and try to embrace. I love being a part of the teaching community because I see the wonders of a profession where people embrace learning and who generally want to help one another.
Coming to a new community, I was so afraid that I would be alone, professionally. I had not learned yet of the vast support one can gain from one's peers. I had never had that before, at least not on the same level. So, I formed friendships and connections. I grew to feel nothing but respect for my colleagues who helped me and still continue to help guide and support me. Yet, there are so many lonely parts to being a teacher.
I am also alone. My classroom is at the end of the hallway, enough at the end that people tend to not want to come down to it. Sometimes that is an advantage, but sometimes it can be very isolating. I am an English teacher, so I spend a lot of time sitting and trying to learn the ways of grading papers quickly. I spend a lot of time sitting alone, trying to figure out what I can teach my students that will combine skills with fun.
Teaching can be a really lonely profession, despite the joy of being a part of a community. I wish I could explain this to non-teachers. I wish I could go to people and tell them that while they criticize teachers and say they don't do enough, there are teachers who spend weekends at the school or long hours into the night. I wish I could show those who criticize teachers the pictures of teachers more experienced and better at their craft than I who have centered their lives around this profession. In many ways, teaching is not really a profession, it is a lifestyle.
I recently (in the past month) was told that I did not care about my students. I, who as a first year teacher feel as though I have busted my hump for my students. I, who as a first year teacher, has little confidence in what they are doing. I, who as a first year teacher, have learned so much. It can be lonely, feeling like people are out to get you while you are bending over backwards for them. It can be lonely sitting in your room, trying to make sure students get the feedback and current lessons they deserve.
I am part of many communities; but, that doesn't mean that I am not also alone. Ugh, I know this is a depressing blog entry. Perhaps it is just end of semester exhaustion getting me down. I'll try to post more and be way more up beat, I promise.
