What a week this has been! I have learned so much this week, it is unbelievable (almost). The day is only half over and already I am exhausted. I'd like to say that I'm exhausted in the best way, but I'm struggling.
Honesty time: my attitude sucks right now. I know that it'll get better, and I know that this is part of life. Still, it's hard. I've been very disillusioned this week, and while I am glad for the learning experience, it's put me in a mood. So, I am so sorry but this blog post may not be as upbeat as other posts.
Lets start with the positive though. I have found amazing support here in a lot of ways. The administrators have checked in with me multiple times this week, which has been really nice. They are very willing to help in whatever way they can. The realist in me recognizes that really, they are hindered by the nature of their job. They can't possibly spend a lot of time mentoring me because they have so very much to do. The pessimist in me wonders how long this support will last. I have also found support (as I've mentioned before) in the form of my department. We are a small district/ school so there are only four of us in the department. This is really nice because we can form a cohesive group.
The hardest part of this week has been...well okay one of the hardest parts of this week has been the culture shock. Part of me honestly believed I was prepared; part of me was trying to keep an open mind about what I'd find. I think most of me was just so spoiled and so wrapped up in the culture I grew up in that I really didn't believe it would be that different. What does that even mean? It means that I grew up in a place where the district and all of the surrounding districts had very diverse populations. These different groups were generally very in touch with their own culture and proud of it. Furthermore, students tended to be fairly open (especially at young ages) to learning about other perspectives and cultural groups. I don't find that as much here. Now, I want to be very clear: there are wonderful people here and wonderful students. There are some with open minds and a willingness to be exposed and learn from different perspectives. What I refer to mostly is the overall climate that I've been exposed to thus far.
I needed a new experience, this is true. So, I am glad that I have come to a place that is so different. I've enjoyed getting to hear different perspectives as we've been doing multiple ice breaker activities. For example, we did a peer interview and this is where I heard things that were somewhat alarming. It is just jarring to have such a difference.
During grad school, we learned about the importance of creating a specific type of community within your classroom. We learned that we, as teachers, set the tone. Still, sometimes (and I know, it is only week one) it feels like I'm swimming up stream. I need to be a leader (or one of the leaders) in my school, I need to be joiner. I know this. The knowledge of what I need to do does not in any way make it easier to do so.
All in all, it has just been an incredibly long week. I know things will get better. I truly have met some wonderful people (staff and students). I can see both the wonderful things that were already in place here and the bright future that this school has. I'm just working on surviving the fire swamp so I can reach the brightly lit forest (props to those who understand the reference). Sorry to be such a downer, I'll try to be more positive in the future.
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