Grading Blues, Student Goldens

I have got to say, this week starting out SO incredibly positive. My hardest class was decently behaved and I even got to hear the announcements on both Monday and Tuesday. It was shocking, a miracle in fact. I was flying high by the end of the day...sure I had mountains of grading and tons of planning to do, but my students were well behaved and some were even working. AWESOME. 

I love little moments with students, my "golden" moments if you will. Moments when they understand a concept or get excited about a project or about what we are reading right now (The House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros). I love when they share funny little insights or stories with me, or when they crack jokes. I love the few who pick up trash from my floor simply to be kind, or jump in helping me move desks for the PSATs just because they can. I try very hard to reward those kids, sometimes in front of others if I can, so that they know to continue that positive behavior. Those are moments that I live for. 

Then there are days like today. Days when the students and their apathy get me down. Please don't tell me (unless you are an educator) that it is my job to have some of that apathy dissipate. I'm aware, thank you. Doesn't mean that it isn't exhausting. It is exhausting to try to be passionate when students don't give you anything back. Veteran teachers, I ask you this; how do you combat this? Is my feeling of melancholy simply because I am not dedicated enough? I don't think so, I feel highly dedicated to my profession. I believe in the work I do, but I don't believe in forcing students to learn. 

The culture shock is...tough. That is for sure. But, it isn't just that. This is my first year teaching, and so much is overwhelming. The internet is a beautiful place, so finding lesson plan ideas isn't too difficult. Still though, it takes time. So does grading. Ugh, grading is the worst. Especially as an English teacher. I am so behind, and I hate it. My current stack of grading is:

I am slowly working through everything. Still though...not easy. I know, I know. I will get into a groove. As the years go by, grading will be easier and planning will be less stressful. I get that. I am so aware. I don't need someone to tell me this. Knowing that something is normal, knowing that you will get through it, that isn't always enough. Sometimes, stuff just sucks and you have to vent and get it out there. Sometimes you need to call to other people in your profession and say, "hey, is this what you are dealing with too?" 

Alright. There is my rant. I tried to have a combo of positive and negative too. Thanks, as always, for reading.