Long, long week.

It has been a while since I have posted. Partly because the last few days have not been great. Sometimes it is so hard not to get bogged down in the awfulness of this profession. I don't know if I will ever understand a country with as much drive as the U.S. being so unwilling to improve education. From Pre-kindergarten, through high school, into college (both undergraduate and beyond) up into the teacher level there needs to be more support. More money towards resources, more pay to those who are willing to dedicate themselves to the profession. More support and money to those in school. If you are a student, especially in higher education, it is almost like you get punished for wanted to improve your way of life. In some ways, I can understand why people see little to no value in education. Education can suck, but knowledge is awesome.

This is the mindset this week has left me in. Monday started out ridiculous, Tuesday I saw the empirical evidence of just how much of  a pay cut I took from a non-education, semi-non professional (no college degree necessary) job to this one. Wednesday was a wasted hour and a half meeting when I could truly use that time to catch up on grading and planning (who couldn't use it at this time of year?) and today is a loss of prep time. Most of this is not bad individually. Add all of this together, along with my growing sense of isolation and homesickness and it makes for a pretty rough week.

It makes me wonder why I am in this profession. Like so many teachers, I put in long days, non-contract time to help with clubs, and weekends. So, it is frustrating to not feel compensated or appreciated. The culture shock has not helped matters. Students who don't understand why I would ask them to work, who have no problem telling me how to teach, who think they are my friends and can give me advice. I get it, this is a sign of the times. I understand my generation and those below us are not always awesome. I know, it is up to us as teachers, and up to parents, to help improve things. Still, it can be really tough.

Then I have students who seemed to have really responded to me. I looked super down when I got my paycheck (yay anxiety attack in front of a small class), and one of my students came up to me later and said "Ms. C, I feel like I need to punch someone for making you upset." While not quite an appropriate reaction, still super sweet. Another student has come to trust me enough to ask for advice about dealing with her anger issues and asking about resources to help to talk to her mom about certain issues. I love being able to point kids in directions of people who can help them, or being able to laugh with them. One student made me crack up when he suggested the class do an adaptation of the short story "The Sniper" turned into a musical (this is a rather morose story so the idea of a musical would be hilarious). It is those little moments that make me laugh and remember that I have to be in it for the students.

My worry is that, this is my first year and I am rather young. I can't be this jaded so soon. I'm sorry to be a downer. I am trying to hard to pull myself up. It is a mindset, and I will be fair; today is a much better day than the previous ones. So, there is always a silver lining. Thanks for reading!